It’s amazing how we can get 99 compliments and 1 criticism and that’s the one thing we remember.  It’s the one thing we think about and the one thing that upsets, drives, and motivates us.  We can do so much good, be good at our jobs, do good in the world, have good days, but one bad day, one bad comment, one off moment, and that is all we remember and all anyone else remembers as well.  In a world of stereotypes where mass generalizations rule, why is it the one-off moment, the one bad example, the one bad comment, the one bad day is what we remember in our own daily lives?

                It’s been a hard month, I’ll be honest.  I’ve been busy, that much is pretty much par for the course, but it has been especially draining this year.  April is child abuse awareness month, so I am always speaking, promoting, and in general having a lot going on.  Ironically, this year, I didn’t travel at all, so you would think the month would have been less hectic, but it was anything but.  With a move to everything being online, the need to constantly be pushing out content was always there.  I’ll be honest, I hate social media, I dislike technology, I am old fuddy duddy in the wrong generation.  I was perfectly happy in the 80s with no internet, no cell phone and honestly no computer (we had one, but I never used it….).

                In addition to everything moving online, the world is opening up again.  Well, if you are an extrovert, you will be thrilled about that.  If you are an introvert, you likely aren’t thrilled, but you aren’t going to say anything because your very nature compels you not to.  The fact of the matter is extroverts rule the world because their nature allows them to voice their wants and needs better than introverts.  Introverts by nature stay quiet, so the result is we live in an extroverted world.  Again, I’ll be perfectly honest, I was probably the happiest I have ever been during quarantine, it was amazing.  I got shit done, I stayed at home, and I spent time with my cat.  I LOVED it.  Were there difficulties, of course, but as an introvert I was genuinely happy.

                The world returning to normal brings with it the mask that all introverts must put on in order to fit in in an extroverted world.  The pretending you’re comfortable when you’re not, the trying to fit in, the trying to act like you aren’t exhausted and that you don’t just want to go home at practically every social function you have to attend.  I am not an extreme introvert, so I do enjoy being around people occasionally, but I definitely need my space and I enjoy a lot of “me time.” 

                That brings me to this last month.  I love April, I do, let me be clear about that.  I love what I do, and I love being an advocate, but every now and again it is tiring.  It is tiring because I care.  Because I care and I speak up, I share my mind and I try to make a difference.  Most of the time that is well received, but whenever you speak up you will always cause waves and there are those in the world that don’t like that, no matter what the subject matter is.  I love what I do, and I will always speak up, but speaking up and being loud takes a toll.  The toll for me is needing a lot of down time.  Needing to be alone, being allowed to decompress alone and quietly where no one can see me.  Sometimes that’s hard to do in an extroverted world and this month in particular it seemed harder than most.  That’s ok though, I’ll be fine, because I’m a survivor, and if there is one thing my abuse taught me, it’s that I am tougher than even I know sometimes and I can get through anything.